So when I thought that “sad animals” was as good as it gets when it comes to Google search terms, I noticed that this blog is the top result when looking for “how to spot a cheater on et”. That’s kind of odd because we have not written anything about this subject yet. My guess is that Google presumes that this page will most likely tell you at some point how to spot a cheater. But I became restless. Someone googled “sad animals”, got here and was not to be disappointed. Someone wanted to find out how to spot a cheater, came here and got nothing. I couldn’t that one let go without doing anything about it.

So here it is, “ET-Truth’s Guide On How To Spot A Cheater”.

In general one needs to make a difference between physical and online appearance of cheaters. The first part is going to deal with how to recognize (and beat the hell out of) cheaters on the street. We will then determine what the online part is all about.

Cheaters are not to be confused with the common hacker. The common hacker is a lone individual with long hair, a body mass index of far below 20 and finger nails so long he can scrape notes into the opposite wall while still sitting at his computer. Cheaters come in all forms and shapes and like to flock. They rarely appear at offline events and if they do, they like to sit together in groups and talk about how they could explain their weak LAN performance. Standard excuses include missing drivers, wrong chairs and tables and the lack of that certain smell of not having showered for weeks which they have grown so accustomed to. Unfortunately we cannot say much more about their physical appearance since most of them stay at home all the time anyway.

Far more is known about their traits of character and their online behaviour. A very prominent type is the “alexL” cheater. They obviously messed up configuring their humanized aimbots and try to explain 180 flicks with “just highsense”. Because cheaters are very funny, some of them even give themselves new nicknames like alexLowsense - if you’re still reading this, you’re one of the few who have not died laughing at this hilarious irony. It is quite common that cheaters, once it has become obvious that they’re not clean, stay “inactive” (meaning they play under a fake nick with their cheater friends) for a certain period of time – usually until the next LAN event has gone by. You can also spot cheaters by looking at their replies to so called “bust journals” – if it is something like “lol”, “so funny”, “retard” or “my girl friend told me my dick is too small and now im supposed to cheat? ffs wtf”, you can almost certainly assume that they are not clean. Then there is what we like to call “ETTV skill”. There are those who own the hell out of everyone while playing without anyone watching who miraculously have a bad day every time ETTV connects. By looking at their ETTV skill, you can determine if they cheat or not. Some of them don’t even try to hide their little helpers, like that Irish fag whose name I can’t even remember in the match against Belgium.

There are of course many more ways to spot a cheater. We do not want to give them all away since it would be too easy for them to prevent mistakes in the future. If you’re reading this and you’re a cheater, I should probably tell you that we will be waiting for you outside your door to cut off every single limb you’ve got and then dump you somewhere for vultures to take care of you. Afterwards we’ll kill everyone who knew you so that the memory of your face is wiped off the earth. Apart from that, have a nice day!

P.S.: Someone found this page by googlinge “”low-” enemy territory” – everyone who has written a comment should probably question how skilled he/she really is.